An Open Letter to Primigravids

She started as a glimmer in the eye. An answered prayer. A sweet pea made out of love. The first time we knew we were pregnant was just indescribable! It was like a feeling that our hearts would walk outside and leap for joy. I can even see stars in my husband’s eyes when I surprisingly told him that I was actually 2 weeks late. He couldn’t stop kissing my yet small, flat tummy with this precious gift inside.

            My first month was a very carefree one. I felt as normal as everyone. No cravings and even a sight of physical changes yet. I was working as an ER and DR nurse at that time so I began to be extra careful with my load work. Not to mention all that extra attention my colleagues and doctors are giving me since it’s my first pregnancy. Everyone was excited for me since most of my workmates already have babies of their own and my pregnancy was long due after 2 and a half long years as they are saying.  It felt like I was the center of attraction and only pregnant in our hospital at that time.

            I first heard her pulsation on my 2^nd week through the sonogram. She was so fragile… so delicate… and yet I was grinning seeing her in that white monitor. My second peek on her was on my 7^th week and 3 days. She has an incredible heart rate at 150 bpm and she is already doing spontaneous movements which I don’t feel yet but happy seeing her very active inside the sac.

            Morning sickness. Dizziness. Loss of appetite began to strike during my 2^nd month. It was a new and strange endless feeling. My OB-Gyne gave me tips on how to get through it by taking anti-emetics or eating crackers early in the morning. My colleagues also never failed to support me on this. I was so blessed coz I was able to get through all the month because of my support group. It kept me going and released every negativity of what this experience can bring.

           

I never opted for synthetic medicines. Every day, I start by eating bananas and it helps ease salivatic acids since crackers don’t work for me.

            Nothing stopped me on my 3^rd month. My husband and I often travels to a 2 hour drive just to release the tension that a deserted place can give me and the baby. My husband is very supportive and loving which made my pregnancy happy and light from the very start. Despite all my vomiting moments, seeing my husband beside me all the way just makes me feel better. 

            Those hormonal rages cannot replace the attention that my husband gave me during my first trimester. The first four months weren’t easy at all. I’ve been working in two special departments ER and DR and since nurses work on shifting, I also need to adjust my body clock depending on my work’s needs. And since I have endless – all day type morning sickness, cravings that aren’t found in the desert, I became very picky with food. I hate the smell of cooked rice and more so the taste of it. I ended up eating pasta like I can eat pasta forever. Haha! Those weird cravings and feeling of being bloated all the time made me weak for some time.

            

But it was also in my 4^th month that we were able to hear her heartbeat for the first time. Our faces lit up inside the examination room and my husband and I can’t help but giggle at the sound of her very heart. Galloping like a horse. It was a priceless moment for me and Laurence. And that night, I kept thinking how amazing a child, small as she can be, can grow inside my little tummy. She is the epitome of me and Laurence. She is made up of our unique genetic disposition. And while she is growing intricately, I need to be responsible on the things I eat, the exposures I need to avoid, the weight I need to maintain, and the sacrifices I need to make for the welfare of my little one.

            

Laurence has been very consistent and patient to buy me all the healthy food that I can eat which is available in the desert. And he is hands on assisting me in doing all the household chores. He doesn’t want me carrying even a single plate or not so heavy objects. Some would laugh at the thought of It but for me he is the most responsible and sweetest husband there is. Being too protective to me and the baby. I respect him on how he handled my pregnancy well.

            

At 18 weeks I began to feel back pains due to my physical changes and my bump is starting to show. I also started waking up in the night because of leg cramps! Oh boy – and they are painful!

            Finally, I am in the midpoint of my pregnancy and wow, how fast the days gone by. I couldn’t be happier thinking that I already finished 20 weeks and I just need to enjoy the 20 weeks more of carrying my baby. This time, the most amazing thing happened! It was her first kick! Something is whimpering inside of me. Telling me, “Hey mom, knock knock.. I’m here.” It was the cutest feeling I can’t help but giggle. She became very active and kicked more often throughout the day. Nausea and vomiting did not leave my side but I felt stronger than ever.

            On the 21^st week, we had an ultrasound again. And this was our 3^rd peek-a-boo on our precious little angel. We saw her eyes looking right at us. The four chamber of her hearts were filled with love and her face looks zealous. We were overjoyed seeing her thumb sucking already.

            In my 6^th month, another exciting week for me and Laurence. Finally, we were able to know the baby’s gender. And she will be daddy’s little princess. We became very excited and started buying those onesies right away. That amazing feeling that our lives will never be the same again.  

            

The life growing within me brought me happiness that I cannot contain. Indeed, Yahweh’s plans of creation is indescribable and uncontainable.

            

During the last 6 months of my pregnancy, I have been a very active pregnant because of my job and I also do prenatal exercises during my off. So from 49 kg, I just added 3 kg up to my 25^th week which is really surprising. No protruding navel or bump as everyone is expecting.

            Finally, I am nearing my D-day. I am already in my last trimester where everyone would ask when will be my due date over and over again. This is the most awaited time and I guess the longest too. This is the time when most women get fussy with their unwanted physical changes. When your underarm starts to darken. When you gain a tremendous weight and still can’t stop eating! When stretchmarks begin to creep outside your belly and looks like spider webs. When all your creases become dark like the neck or groin and your linea nigra is already very visible. Which they say would disappear 3 years after delivery.

            Those jabs and pokes just keeps getting stronger day by day. Sometimes it tickles and at times, when it pokes, it’ll hurt. Those bathroom visits get into your nerves cause its keeping you up all night. Feet is starting to swell and you get a little bit panicked cause your body gets bigger and wider every day. Not to mention how scrutinized you are on checking your daily weight because you just can’t help eating that pint of ice cream in your fridge.

            Added by the back pains that just won’t quit while your tummy weight keeps adding up. So even though she hasn’t started crying yet, it may seem that your baby is already getting on your nerves – literally. And while she is settling into a proper position for birth, her head may rest on the sciatic nerve in the lower part of your spine. If this happens, you may feel a sharp, shooting pain, tingling or numbness that starts in your buttocks and radiates down the back of your legs – this pain known as sciatica can be quite intense at time and may linger until you’ve delivered.

            That doesn’t end there. On your 29^th week, the belly gets more space that you can’t see your legs anymore when you’re standing. Some women develop varicose veins and can worsen due to increase blood volume in your lower torso. And hemorrhoids could be another problem when your veins relax due to changing hormones. You just need to avoid standing or sitting for a long time in one position so you can prevent these occurrences. 

            I started to hear negative, horrible, traumatic experiences even when I started getting pregnant. At the back of my mind, I seriously got scared. Yes, the feeling of tender nipples in my early 2^nd trimester was not fun and too painful that I don’t want it being touched even with my shirt. The fatigue, bloating, heartburns were your “best friends” for months. So how do you spell relief? Among other things you also need to avoid food that causes those symptoms like spicy, fatty, fried and chocolates. These are the things you need to sacrifice for months and I tell you, when you are craving for it, then it will not be an easy task.

           

           As days add up to your growing belly, your stomach would feel like it is in your chest. And your lungs feel like they’re not even there anymore. So, you’ll feel shortness of breath due to the internal organs being pushed upward and make your it difficult for your lungs to expand, thus the shortness of breath. Need not worry about your baby because she is getting enough oxygen from your placenta. Anyhow, that out-of-breath feeling may get better towards the end of pregnancy when the baby drops down into your pelvis in preparation for her debut. Until then, just be sure to sit and stand as straight as you can and sleep with those pillows propped up or on your side so to help you breathe well.

            So you could just imagine those “horrible” experiences for a first time preggy like me. And since I’m still counting the days before labor finally strikes in, I am writing this letter to first time moms out there like me who is also scared but hopeful that everything will be alright. I can say that all these strange feelings and experiences are nothing compared to having a privilege to carry another human being inside your womb. While you can, and others can’t. It is the most beautiful feeling of being a soon to be mother. It is a magical feeling that no one can ever experience except you.

          

  I may sound ridiculous to some or even most for that matter – but no doubt my pregnancy experience was by far even not close to perfect but I can say is immensely blissful. Despite and in spite all that negative news about delivery.

            Those horrible stories of emotional and physical changes that happened to me for the past 35 weeks of my life doesn’t cloud off the wonderful experiences I literally had with my baby. I began to know her more and became intimately attached to her from the very start. We have this very unique connection that no one else could understand but me. It makes me smile every time.

            To my body, I feel happy seeing that these detailed changes that is happening to me every month is part of my being a mother soon. That these dark lines separates me from the rest of the women around the world who have their own share of this experience. How amazing that our Almighty Father designed a woman’s body to make way to a little creature coming from an egg to a full term fetus.

            The stretchmarks, which I am beginning to have in my thighs to the bigger nose that I have now, a more stretched tummy and fluffier arms and legs, to darker underarms and creases. These for me are the beautiful changes a mother can truly experience and see the beauty of pregnancy beyond the world’s transparent eyes. These are loving testimonies that a baby is formed intricately by a woman. This is a proof on how versatile and strong and loving women can be. Being selflessly endowed to that little creature growing inside of her.

            Moreover, that feeling of longingness to finally hold your baby in a matter of weeks after a labor pain is just so hard to think of. Yet if you have a very supportive family, support group and did a lot of positive readings (like me), I am sure you will have a more enjoyable, memorable pregnancy journey.

            A positive support group is very important a makes a lot of difference in one’s pregnancy. Being confident and knowledgeable about your baby’s debut decreases all the tension that you have. Not only can it bring positive thoughts but also helps you alleviate anxiety and fear for your impending D-day!

            And now that I am nearing 37^th weeks which means I am finally getting myself in the delivery room, I couldn’t be more excited and prepared to finally bring her out of this world.

            Everyone loves to tell you about horrible pregnancy experiences and births so I thought it would make a difference to share my story that is beyond awesome and that I know for a fact that is true. Sure it won’t happen this way for everyone, but you can always hope and release all the negativities and breathe in positivity.

            So here’s to all first time moms that are scared of being pregnant or so giving birth. You’ll never know, you may have the golden ticket, so enjoy and cross your fingers!